This is a question submitted by someone struggling with the eternal direction of his unforgiving Dad, dying of lung cancer. 

My father, who has been a Christian since youth, is dying of lung cancer. He understands the gospel very well so there's no question about that. I'm worried about Matthew 6:15 where it says, "But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Dad is the kind
of guy who will tell people off and never apologize, and he has been known to carry grudges. Will he still go to heaven because of his faith in Jesus, or not?

Hey John [pseudonym],

Yes, you are correct, Jesus did say that if we cannot forgive others than God cannot forgive us (Mat 6:15; Mat 18:35).

When you say “he’s been a Christian since youth” what you mean is that he claims salvation and can explain the gospel, right?

If so, then the evidence for someone’s salvation is their life. Fruit and good works are not the means to being saved (salvation is by grace through faith) but the result. Of course, we can (and are prone to) live carnally at times (1 Cor 3:1-3) but there is a pattern of obedience that defines a true believer in Christ (1 John 2:4-7; Jam 2:14-26). If your Dad truly cannot forgive others from his heart then it’s possible he never himself experienced the forgiveness of God offered through Jesus Christ.

We are not the final judges of that, so I can’t tell you whether or not he is saved. And yes, there are true Christians, people who are heaven-bound, who struggle with forgiving others and God is working on their hearts. But there’s a different between struggling to forgive others and absolutely refusing to forgive people.

My suggestion is that instead of trying to know whether or not he’s headed for heaven (only God knows all things, therefore only God knows for sure whether or not your Dad is saved) I’d suggest you talk to him, appeal to him as your Dad with all respect (1 Tim 5:1) and ask him if he still struggles with the lack of forgiveness. Ask him if you may read a couple verses and tell him that you do this in total love and not as a rebuke or in anger but out of pure concern for him. Be open that it’s hard to do and you care for him. Then read to him Matthew 6:15 and Matthew 18:35.

Speak the truth in love, pray like crazy (I will too for you) and then trust God to move in your Dad’s heart and be patient, even though his death is imminent

I hope this is helpful.

Seth