Do you ever experience a moment when the Holy Spirit unleashes a truth—something ridiculously obvious but profound all the same—and you are so enchanted with this epiphany that you can't eat, sleep, or do anything until you soak it up and let it change how you operate?

This happened to me over the last hour. Please know, it's very basic, nothing astonishing. But the timing was the touch of God's hand in my life. I finished P90X with my wife (a workout unkind to the body), took a shower, started brushing my teeth (what a great moment for epiphanies), and the breakthrough unfolded before my eyes. 

It suddenly struck me that I do not offer nearly as much grace to believers that I do to those who don't yet believe. 

Here are core values I use in my approach to non-Christians: 

1. I'll love you no matter where you are at. 
2. I'll be your friend no matter how you are living your life. 
3. From day one in our friendship, I'll be open about my love for Jesus and what He is doing in me in spite of my own sin. 
4. I'll be willing to start with where you're at and gently urge you to take one step forward in your consideration of Jesus Christ. 
5. i'll keep loving you the same, even if you don't move an inch, because my love for you is not conditioned by your love for Jesus any more than God's love for me is conditioned by my wavering love for Him. 

And then I asked myself: why would I not treat believers the same way? If coming to Jesus truly is a process and I treat unbelievers graciously as they move forward through that process, why would I not do the same with believers, since although their salvation had a starting point (justification), it still is a process (sanctification). 

What convicted me more than anything else was to see how gracious God has been toward me, how patiently he has brought closer to Jesus, and even then with billions of faults that He overlooks every day. How could I treat believers less graciously than God does? 

The conviction grew deeper as I considered how Jesus dealt with people. Did He not start with where they were at and teach them in ways that enabled them to take one step forward from where they formerly stood? Did He not teach as a Jew to the Jews, as a Gentile to the Gentiles? Did He not show tremendous grace, even to His own 12 inner men, refusing to tell them things that they were not ready to hear but that the Holy Spirit would reveal to them once they were ready?  "I have many more things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. But when He, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all the truth; for He will not speak on His own initiative, but whatever He hears, He will speak; and He will disclose to you what is to come" (John 16:12-13).

Consider how Jesus knew for years that Peter was a stubborn legalist about unclean meat based on Leviticus, yet Jesus refused to tell him until more than three years later (Acts 10:9-16) long after Jesus returned to heaven. Jesus did not unload the entire truck in one meeting. He showed grace and patience toward His 12 disciples, yes, even His key leaders. 

But then I had to ask the question: shouldn't we expect more out of a Christian, since they know more about God's will than an unbeliever, they are indwelt by the Holy Spirit, and they possess the ability to follow Jesus, whereas a non-Christian lacks the power? Yes. But I still had to ask myself: am I willing to start where they are at? Am I willing to love them through grace, instead of trying to yank them up to a standard that they simply are not ready for?

Another question: Shouldn't a leader, in whatever capacity, be held with stronger accountability than someone not leading? Yes again. Scripture is replete with verses like James 3:1, "Let not many of you becomes teachers, my brethren, knowing that as such we shall incur a stricter judgment." But stronger accountability does not mean less grace. It just means we should be slow to put anyone in leadership, lest they fall to sin and we end up bearing responsiblity for their failure as leaders  (1 Tim 5:22).

So here's the big question: if they are willing to be teachable and to hold themselves accountable, should we not allow leaders to grow and learn and offer them grace all through the process? Does grace somehow dwindle the further you get beyond the day of salvation? Does the cross of Jesus diminish the closer we draw to Him? No. It gets bigger! 

The only people Jesus rebuked harshly (with a few exceptions, such as when Peter tempted Jesus) were religious hypocrites, people who used religion to swell their egos, people who knew tons yet practiced little.

How foolish I felt as I realized my blindness to my own lack of grace to others. Yes, I do expect a higher level of accountability and commitment from a missional core than someone a believer who is not. But even here, I must be willing to begin where they are at and let God's grace slowly transform them day by day as I prod them and model Christ to them.

So what was it that separated Jesus' disciples from the rest? Honestly, not a whole lot. They struggled with all the same sins and doubts. The clearest difference I can find is twofold: God made it clear that they were to be Jesus' core group. This became clear to Jesus after spending a full night in prayer for them. Second, they were more teachable than most. The disciples demonstrated humility more consistently than the average believer in their day and ours. Yet even then, there were some things they were not ready to hear and Jesus showed grace in big doses. 

This implies a needed shift in my approach toward most believers. The standard of God's Word does not change. But my willingness to show grace and love must change. Thank God for His Spirit! There is no one like Him.